Daily Diary, February 3, 2023

Not as much to write these days as things have slowed down considerably, though not stopped. Upon refection I don’t miss the intense experiences, and am glad not to be having them, but am also glad to have had them. All of which is irrelevant since “I” had nothing consciously to do with making then happen – at

Experiences of “non-ordinary reality” Have ceased. Odd to call them that, though. It seems they are the ordinary reality and the “normal, day-to-day” existence that does not include trips to the Vast Vastness or the Peace that surpasses understanding or Sat Chit Ananda or intense mental clarity or energy or channeling or such are “non-ordinary”.

A few things worth mentioning. Ongoing work on opening the Heart Chakra is progressing once I realized the Heart Chakra is not the Heart organ itself.

Breathing into the Heart Chakra, I can feel it expand and that now seems to be in sync with the Third Eye Chakra – and both seem to expand together. These with the electric tingle in my hands form a nice triangle. At times the distance between the Third Eye and Heart Chakra seems to get smaller and there are experiences of them “joining together”.

More and more I come to notice the inner stillness and “quietude” when meditating. I am working on being able to notice and focus on this when doing practical tasks like seeing, hearing, talking and moving.  I practice when on the elliptical first thing in the morning and at times remember to do this throughout the day. I could do that more.

I don’t suspend the interpretive narrative as much or as pronounced as I did a few months ago. May be that I don’t need to and narrative is pretty bland and quiet – except when driving.

A few weeks ago I woke up feeling deeply in love with the stillness and quietude. Since then I have been looking to notice it more and more. And it seems this is what I truly am – nothing-ness – just stillness in which it all occurs. There is a distinct sense of all of it happening ” within” me – the stillness.

Kitties are not sitting on my lap during mediation, though it can be an effort to get them both to sit and settle down so close to each other. And Rocketman is spending more time in the evenings with us and even on the couch with Ripley and I.

Noticing I don’t feel any different than I ever remember feeling — certainly not like a few months ago when I had the distinct feeling of being different. The noticing of the difference has faded, just as I wrote it would.

Mantra and focus these days is “Right Here, Right Now” and “Remain Vigilant”. So, not thinking about retirement or any of that. Working on just being here and that is enough.
Just what is directly in front of me in the moment. And growing out my beard.

I do seem to clear more quickly, not get stuck as often or as deeply and much less edge. And coming into 4 months clean and sober and news free.