Daily Diary December 31, 2022

Watching movies = no thoughts
Realized last night that when I watch a movie or TV show, there is no-intermediate-thought state. There is watching the movie and some amount of being caught up with the story and characters- but no intermediate thought while it’s on. No one here is watching a movie. No sense of self or separation at all.
When watching movies there is no thinking- just experiencing. Simply watching a movie is happening.
And no belief in the characters or story when the TV turns off. No belief they are real – and this happens at times watching the movie, in particular times of high emotion or danger or injury or suffering- the realization they are just actors playing a role with props. The blood is not real. The suffering is not real. No one is really suffering.  That would be welcome in day-to-day life when things get stressful or highly emotional. I will keep an eye open for that “gap”.
I can easily watch movies that “don’t make sense”.
Watching absurdity or high fantasy or imagination or abstract movies is all the same – they just play out. No thoughts, no judgment, no trying to understanding or figure it out or know what is happening. That is all taken care of so to speak at another level beyond awareness.
And it’s a good model for how it can and will be for me as the thought stream slows down and ends.
Day-to-day life will be is like watching a movie-without having to think it out, understand it or consciously through thought know what is happening as I go along.
Then came the realization that day-to-day life is the same for me. It’s simply a movie – a VR movie to be more precise. That this body can interact with and a role being played. But seen through as having no reality at all. Sure, there are emotions and physical response when shooting or stabbing a zombie or whatever or beauty in looking at the Earth from space. But no belief whatsoever that it is real.  Very much like “lucid living”.
Much relief comes from this.
In contrast with D who thinks her way through and comments and tries to figure it all out real-time and make sense of it and has a hard time with absurdist, imaginary, abstract, etc., type movies. Fantasia is a good example.
What does this perceptual shift “feel like”? There’s a feeling of slow decay in the feel of reality to things – like it’s being drained away. Loss of interest, some emotional “grouchy-ness” – not like there is anything that can be done to stop it or slow it
There is no sense of doing anything – rather, simply noticing what is arising. Sadness, oddness of feeling, feelings of accomplishment and excitement as well.
So, is anything real and if so, what?
The stillness that contains all else. The feeling of Presence and sat chit ananda.
Easily reached in meditation- and which is now taking over the non-meditation day-to-day practical activities, very gradually and subtly.
And so, treat day-to-day ‘practical’ life like watching a movie – engaged, but not lost in believing it’s real.
And so not fully thinking the others are real.
And remain vigilant and pay attention.
Don’t let the mind wander as there is no ‘rewind’ .
Again, one thing to understand this conceptually, quite another to have it actually be happening.
It’s not so much not being Joe, though that as well,
As not letting thoughts arise between stimulus and response, between insight/idea and action. Then there is no ‘Joe-self’ present in the absence of the intermediate narrative thought. No Joe= no worry, anxiety, sadness. Some things may arise related to the body – hunger, or “instinctive” recoil from all of a sudden seeing a spider one foot away from me the other day, (And even that recoil being ‘instinctive’  is suspect).
But Joe-stuff does not arise anywhere near as much. This is moving from something I have to remember to do, to something naturally occurring and increasing in frequency and duration.
Ram Dass clearly talks about being ‘nobody’ – his term for ‘no-self’
He talks about just being with another person with out being ‘somebody’ — exactly what Tony points to.
As does Eckart, here.
He specifically refers to taking on a ‘new identity’ and even calls it ‘no-self’.
They are all talking about the same thing.