Emergence from Reinsertion into the Matrix


One Day

On a day that may have come and gone
or never was or never can be
a bird may be singing,
a raindrop slides down a window
a plate breaks
a cat brushes your leg
you pick up your keys
or turn on a light
you will forget to remember to be you
in that moment, everything will change even as nothing changes
you will be you no longer
but ever more so

Some context:

Roughly mid-2010 my spiritual seeking was abandoned and I willfully re-inserted myself into the Matrix. Well, probably it was a few years earlier when I pissed away what progress and awareness I had accrued, and neglected to quiet the mind to make it permanent. But I continued a few years until mid-2010.

12 years later, Monday November 7th, while mercilessly castigating myself once again for not making a lasagna perfectly, the complete absurdity of casting  shame, blame and guilt on myself one more time popped me out of the Matrix. Spiritual seeking began again stronger than before. This time there was a new, more mature quality to it.

Detailed Timeline:


  • Reading: “Power of Now”, “Spiritual Enlightenment, The Damnedest Thing”, “I Am That”, “The Open Secret”, “Awakening to the Dream”
  • First glimpses of Pure Awareness-Consciousness (“conscious-awareness”)
  • Conceptual understanding of non-duality and that I Am That
  • No  meditation practice


  • Direct experience of Pure Consciousness
  • Seeking abandoned
  • Regular meditation started, but was not correctly practiced


December 2022: 

Upon reflection, being as honest as possible, there  were several spontaneous experiences of non-ordinary reality over the last two months that delivered severe, significant shocks. The most recent being the undeniable, inescapable, brutal ripping away of the illusion of a separate self that never existed. Appearing to return back to our most natural state – freedom and liberation beyond the mind, beyond the self and beyond thought. There is really no knowing what happened or why or what caused it, if anything. So, what follows is a “story” concocted by the mind to understand and control that which can never be understood or controlled. Enjoy.

Key dates

See the Nemo’s Notes Posts for day to day journal.

About this dream character.

A few words about the pictures at the top.

The first one is an image that came to me on a tough “death march” Project. I  clearly saw me – the rabbit  – pulling itself out of its own hat. Nice symbolic metaphor for the practice as well.

The second one needs no explanation.

The third one is an image that came to me years ago.

The fourth is a picture of my ‘alter’ ego – a sock puppet on the hand of the One.

I would also direct you to M. C. Escher’s Print Galley for an excellent woodcut of the Painter in the Picture.