Daily Diary, Saturday December 17, 2022

Direct experience of no-self faded. I think it served to show what is possible/coming? Also to assuage fears and prepare – lay the groundwork. Plus there were other effects – can’t seem to manufacture the “I” -thought and it is easier to get to meditative state and stay out of the “gap” . LIke driving 70+ mph with little or no thought.

And I’m in contraction of a backlash from the intense no self experience – an experience that there’s nowhere to hide from.
It was so intense,  it was so brutal. It was so without possibility of contradiction or escape.

While I’ve mouthed the words: accept the truth of your own non-existence for decades, it’s a whole different matter when it happens and it’s ripped away completely.

Ripped away is a good term. This stuff does not happen by choice – who could want this and how would they know what to want? No, it’s foisted or even forced on us.

There is no model for this – how could the mind know what to make up?

Brought awareness to it and sat for a bit and came out of contraction.