Addicted to Thinking

Wednesday, December 7, 2022.

I just got that this whole me- self thing is just basically a big crutch – very much like being addicted to a drug – and I have quit drug addictions before  – I stopped smoking in 1998 and quit carbs 4 years ago and I can quit this one as well.

Another crutch is some internal narration that continues. Much lighter and less than before but still there.

And the last one is a little more esoteric there’s noticing that there’s an arising of intent or will – something needs to be done or there’s some kind of desire to do something, and then there’s an interpretation – what I call a stop in storyland – where a narration occurs – words and thoughts and concepts, and then the action occurs.

One of my practices is to eliminate that stop in  storyland, and go right from sensing the intent or will directly into action without having to generate the narration. The whole self referential internal narrative feels like sitting in a sewer. Dark and dirty and smelly, but very warm and familiar.

Talking to my cats is an example of this. Seemingly harmless, but still maintains the narration and separation.
As this work deepens, such subtitles need to be noticed, understood and then annihilated.

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