Q:
That is wonderful, the awareness cannot go away. It is right there the whole time. Your insight/experience is very accurate to my understanding. I will say there is more after this. There is always more. It refines and the appreciation for it deepens. Experiences are wonderful but the key is to draw insight and wisdom from them as the experience itself does fade but the knowing can grow afterwards. This is common so keep an eye out for any residual clinging to what is the experience/aha moment and what is the wisdom gleaned from it. The wisdom cannot go away the experience is fast fading. The knowing is like a mirror of being that keeps freedom always there even if the life/experience isn’t in an AHA state. Life can be very mundane or difficult but the Knowing holds the mind at bay so the sense of it being a problem never arises.
A:
Yes, it is wonderful. Interestingly, there is not the clinging to experience I had in the past when experiencing Pure Awareness. In those cases, there was not the recognition that i am That – the pure awareness, so as the memory of the experience faded, clinging arose.
This is different. No clinging to the experience of AHA – there is no desire for or need for that experience again- or it’s so minor it can easily be let go of.
Instead, there is the desire to‘return’ to awareness and sitting in the Vast Vastness of Pure Awareness. I sorely miss that. The vastness that expands from”within” to contain the universe and with it this mind-body-experience of Joe.
However, I’ve had a severe cold for the last few days since the Aha and it’s been very very hard to allow the vastness to expand to encompass the entire universe as before. When the cold passes – and it is starting to recede – god willing 😉 I would think I can allow that vastness to re-expand.
In the meantime, and going forward, I focus on the “I spot” and ask who am I when other thoughts emerge.
Has all ego dropped and mind stopped. No. But, I can see that by focusing on the I spot, and investigating what is there, that over time the ego would be less and less active and “interesting” until very little attention is paid to it.
There is already a slight, but noticeable “reduction in feeling real” of everyday experience. I don’t have to remind myself “this is all illusion arising in PA”, as I have in the past. No, the experience and insights find me instead of me finding it, if that makes sense.
As I said, when I went to “do the math” to work out ND and D after the aha – I very clearly felt the sense of reluctance to let go of ego/annihilate ego. So I sit with that as well.
If you’d be up for a chat sometime on zoom, or by phone, when this holiday is over and you are so inclined I’d look forward to it.
Thank you for all you help, your willingness to wade through so many words 🫣 – what can I say? I’m a teacher by nature and profession and am a good story teller..
and I acknowledge your service to others. 🙏🏻
I am trying to do the same and pass it on cleanly clearly and with infinite compassion.