11/23/22
The vast spaciousness that I feel the wide open clarity underneath or behind perception space and thoughts unchangeable unaffected by all that’s what I am
Just this vast awareness
This is abiding non-dual awareness – per McKenna? I can see it – Knowings one is the PA, and all arises within – it would abide for the life of the dream character and with it knowing that in the PA there is no thing – etc.
IDK
Right now I’m too tired from the cold and such to want to spend time working out how the whole ND thing works.
It’s there waiting- ‘It’s’ not going anywhere without me lol
If people hear that I figured this out while I was under the influence a really bad cold will others therefore think they have to get a cold as well to ‘get it’?
And I don’t want to give up on duality yet. It’s actually quite useful convenient comfortable, but at the same time maybe just be a big smelly pit to climb out of.
I could say, I feel a bit like goodwill hunting, working out the math problem in front of the other professors and it’s like nothing to me.
If this is all makyo-then I’m a dead man.
I will absolutely cop to the fact that I may be having some Egoic clinging to staying in duality.
And that I could see it being surrender and surrendering to the One-ness – not quite there yet.
Once that it’s gone, it ain’t coming back. There is no true reinsertion in the matrix.
Oh yeah, I am most definitely staring down the barrel of good old fashion ego resistance to annihilation