“Q” is a person on reddit taking me through “proper” self-inquiry, for the first time ever.
“A” are my responses.
Q:
Do you exist?
Self-inquiry is an attempt to find the I, which leads to the realization that it doesn’t exist. You’ve seen this already. Ramana calls it the “I thought.” That’s all it is – just a thought, like any other thought. Only it’s the root of all other thoughts. What it “means” is that it never had any fundamental existence – any seeming existence of the separate “I” was an illusion.
A:
THANK YOU. That was it – your questions and push were what I needed.
Watching end of Matrix Resurrections it just popped out. I “noticed’ the experience of sitting here, watching the movie, was the same as watching the I and asking Who AM I and noticing there is only that awareness and Pop.
The awareness I know to be the ground-state ‘within which (or behind) everything happens – thoughts feelings emotions perception, body sensations.
That awareness which is Primary and HAS to be primary.
That awareness which is undefined, undifferentiated, unchanged and un-moving, and unmovable. And I do not see how I – the awareness – could go back into itself – there is “nothing” to go into and no thing is going into anything. BUT – I can see how focusing more and more attention to the awareness could decrease outflow of attention into the mind’s thoughts and external world. I think. More to come.
I Am That.
And of course “searching for it” just distracts further. There’s a big difference between knowing and accepting it conceptually and having a direct experience of it. Knowing it balls to bones.
LOL – were you sitting there waiting to see if I could “do the math” and get it?
I’ve been a teacher by nature and profession all my life – and how many times did I say to a student – yes, it’s that simple. Students always make it harder – so there would be a need for teachers, I guess. Well, you came along at just the right moment.
I’m guessing there’s more to come. But it starts – and ends there, well maybe.
And of course like the right-facing arrow in the FedEx logo…Once seen it can’t ever be unseen.
Abiding non-dual awareness/ mmm not yet. I still see Two. Maybe that is the next stop on this Disney eTicket dark ride. And I’m sure when I relax and let it come the “math” behind how One appears as two will be right there, along with everything and anything else, always, inevitably right there.
“I” happened to notice my awareness was feeling particularly strong and “vast” and that led to noticing it rather than what was being watched. Wolf’s switching of subject/object, I suspect.
And all the intense consciousness experiences – were still not “it” they were still just intense experiences within the awareness and hid it.
Is there really anything else after this?
Well, transcending my own psychology would help -though a lot of that burned away recently. But of course, that is still not “it’ as it still is within awareness. It’s turtles all the way down, baby lol
Thank you so much for the ‘final’ push. No longer any in here or out there, Or rather, things that were thought to be inside are outside and vice versa. And that is what I said to my wife right after it happened: “I’m done seeking” Now playing with the total surrender/annihilate ego button. Still see two where is one. And I have a toddler here that is clinging to its melting ice cream cone. But, I may wrong about the whole not two thing. Not sure yet. That might be something different unrelated to recognizing my true nature.