11/23-24/2022
There is a vast, vast field of pure awareness and all is inside ( in front? Mmmph) of it. Still feel the I spot. And will investigate further. Right now fingering the annihilate ego button. Just playing with it for now. My life situation has plenty of room for ego destruction. But I want to play with this in duality for a while. While still seeing the fearful egoic clinging that’s arising. Kinda cute and childish and a bit pathetic really, but only a bit. Like a toddler clinging to its melting ice cream cone. And it’s all perfect.
I initially started the practice and followed Ramana Maharshi’s instructions to the letter. When a thought arises other than I , I would ask who am I? I skipped over the me part quickly and went right to who am I.
So I would ping-pong back-and-forth between focusing on the I spot in my head so to speak and ask the question who am I. slowly a little by little there was increased noticing of the awareness.
I quickly rejected the infinite regression of awareness, being aware of awareness and moved to awareness as awareness not of awareness.
If there are no other thoughts,I simply focused on the I thought and then moved to the I spot. My first experience with the Pure awareness many years ago, I too experienced the spot in my chest.
Unfortunately, at the time I didn’t have a practice that worked for me to quiet the mind and so eventually it all came back. Quieting mind is very important. A personal note I was a terrible meditator. I failed meditation 101 for decades, literally. I would just quietly watch my thoughts play out. Not good. And then finally used the Eckerd Tolle technique of focusing attention on the body.
In my case I have an ongoing electric tingle around the hands and forearms and it was very easy to pull the attention away from the mind. Once I was able to break the thought stream and quiet the mind, then I turned to I and then the who am I. I also was able to focus on the I spot not just in meditation, but in daily life and it helped immeasurably as well.
Funny thing is nisargadatta in I am that says exact same thing – quiet the mind, focus on the sense of I am and everything else will spontaneously take care of itself – the man is right. But, I wasn’t willing to quiet my mind and so I was basically sitting in the middle of an busy intersection while trying to do all this, which is insane.