Relax and Enjoy the Ride


There is a vast, vast field of pure awareness and all is inside ( in front? Mmmph) of it. Still feel the I spot. And will investigate further. Right now fingering the annihilate ego button. Just playing with it for now. My life situation has plenty of room for ego destruction. But I want to play with this in duality for a while. While still seeing the fearful egoic clinging that’s arising. Kinda cute and childish and a bit pathetic really, but only a bit. Like a toddler clinging to its melting ice cream cone. And it’s all perfect.

I initially started the practice and followed Ramana Maharshi’s instructions to the letter. When a thought arises other than I , I would ask who am I? I skipped over the me part quickly and went right to who am I.

So I would ping-pong back-and-forth between focusing on the I spot in my head so to speak and ask the question who am I. slowly a little by little there was increased noticing of the awareness.

I quickly rejected the infinite regression of awareness, being aware of awareness and moved to awareness as awareness not of awareness.

If there are no other thoughts,I simply focused on the I thought and then moved to the I spot. My first experience with the Pure awareness many years ago, I too experienced the spot in my chest.

Unfortunately, at the time I didn’t have a practice that worked for me to quiet the mind and so eventually it all came back. Quieting mind is very important. A personal note I was a terrible meditator. I failed meditation 101 for decades, literally. I would just quietly watch my thoughts play out. Not good. And then finally used the Eckerd Tolle technique of focusing attention on the body.

In my case I have an ongoing electric tingle around the hands and forearms and it was very easy to pull the attention away from the mind. Once I was able to break the thought stream and quiet the mind, then I turned to I and then the who am I. I also was able to focus on the I spot not just in meditation, but in daily life and it helped immeasurably as well.

Funny thing is nisargadatta in I am that says exact same thing – quiet the mind, focus on the sense of I am and everything else will spontaneously take care of itself – the man is right. But, I wasn’t willing to quiet my mind and so I was basically sitting in the middle of an busy intersection while trying to do all this, which is insane.

I would say it was gradual, gradual, gradual, suddenly. I had a few high energy surges, but this felt more like turning up the temperature on the stove to cook things faster. Those stopped, but recognizing my self as the pure awareness under/behind all as foreground, happened quite suddenly and completely, with no fireworks. Just complete recognition and identification. Was pure awareness, but didn’t see the truth of that is what I Am , until used Maharshi’s Who Am I looked more closely. I popped later that night.

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