Daily Diary November 30- December 1, 2022

Flared awareness arose last night after posts on Reddit.
I woke to clarity in the terms of the post.
Wrote my  reply, and then continue to work through things:
first thing I noticed was that of course everything is self arising – the pure awareness. It’s also the mind and the parts of that.
The mind can never fully understand, or know, because knowing and understanding is an aspect of the Self and mind by very nature will always be dualistic, so it always see it as awareness of not  awareness as.
In a sense , the mind takes bazillion of instantaneous snapshots of experience,  perception,  feeling, emotions concept, body sensation.
The mind at best can get a barest inkling or infer the truth that this is all the self manifesting, including the mind itself and its products, but it can never fully grasp it  it’s not possible. The nature of the mind is inherently dualistic, and therefore can never fully grasp non-dual reality
So, even in the pure awareness, mind is aware of this happening but created a n illusory duality that the happiness is in the pure awareness that it needs  to get to that. That is simply mind doing the best it can to understand its true nature, which it can never do.
Happiness is right  here now in seeing through the illusion created by the mind, and Maya, accepting and surrendering to the truth, that it is all  just the self. All of it is self even the ego is a self rising as ego.
Practice for me is both strengthening and discipline the mind, but also reminder of what’s true. And it’s quiet time to allow this to happen without objective interference.
And a time to also bring the mind back into itself.
The bell,  the breath, and the buzz and the visual field are all constant reminders that this is the self spontaneously arising moment to moment.
Possible post the non-contradiction contradiction.
Awareness as not awareness of.
PA flared again last night- seems to be happening every other day. Contraction from cold and needing to sleep the night after being up all night seem to play into it.
Realization my practice is both strengthening, disciplining but also reminder, and chance to be with the stillness and PA w/out so much objective work’.
Crystal clear recognition all is Self- including mind and thoughts. Complete non-duality.
While the mind can -at best – infer a barest glimpse of Truth and surrender -a bit- and allow ‘limited’ understanding of the truth,
It cannot ever know, understand or comprehend-‘get its mind around LOL- the Truth.
Not because it doesn’t want to or is resistant but because it’s totally incapable of doing it.
Mind is all about duality- this here that over there.
Even the ‘happiness that is our nature’ becomes ‘I’ here have to merge into that there to experience the happiness.
Nope. All of this is Self, and for me the happiness arises right here, right now.
There is no abiding in or merging with Self.
It is all just Self and idea of ‘merging’ is the ego duality as well. Merge and abide are inherently dualistic by definition.
There is awareness of that that rises and falls and becoming distracted by illusion of mind-thought, but there’s nowhere to go.
Happiness is right here and now in seeing through the illusion created by the mind, and Maya, accepting and surrendering to the truth, that it is all just the Self. All of it is self even the ego is Self arising as ego.
Truth is: awareness as not of.
Mind will always see awareness of.
The bell – constant ringing in my head, the breath, and the buzz -electric feeling of aliveness as my body and the visual field – graininess that underlies all vision- are all constant reminders that this is the Self spontaneously arising moment to moment.
Naturally timing the moment between exhale /inhale to pause in heartbeat.❤️
Even my idea or ‘perception’ that the PA is underneath/just behind all is dualistic thinking.
Subtle, perhaps, but enough to satisfy ego and ‘keep me looking for what was never there’ 🙄🫥🤨

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