Self-Inquiry done right?

November 23, 2022

Q: You never had a sense of “I am”? If someone asked you, “do you exist?”, you would have said “no”? If so – or, rather – no matter what your answer – how could you have possibly answered that question, if you had no sense of “I am”? What would you have referenced?  Secondly, who is noticing the “I” spot?

A: In answer to “do you exist” my answer would be Yes. I don’t know what I am but there is something going on here.

I am aware of the feeling of being and feeling of being aware and conscious – and I distinguish the two. Awareness comes first. This feeling of being and being aware and conscious have been the same all my life regardless of the content of the awareness or consciousness. Reading I am That he asks that question and I can confirm that to be true. The feeling of being aware and conscious is the same regardless of the object.

Maybe what your question asks is too subtle of me to pick up on, or maybe I don’t need to.

When I started with inquiry: Who Am I a long time ago it quickly changed to what am I and then I am and then Amness. There was no sense of “I”. I don’t know what that means. Maybe I’m like tom cruise character in the movie Days of thunder – a ‘natural’ race car driver but doesn’t know what all the lingo points to. I never had a living teacher – all this was done on my own with reading and practice such as I could piece together.

Now, I’m writing this after 20+ years of ND study and some practice and few experience.s I don’t know what I would have answered prior to that study. Not trying to be difficult. If you can describe it more precisely I can confirm or deny if that is true for me.

But, really, thank you – the first time anyone has really asked me that. Clearly I’ve been hanging out with the wrong folks!

Yes, there is noticing separation and boundaries and there is usually some form on ongoing narration in my head, though that is lessening.


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