Daily Diary, November 29, 2022

Technically this is a continuing diary from last night the 28th when I had my first session with Sarah for body work.
Then, but 9 o’clock went to bed and just felt Wideawake and then white or awake and Wideawake and all of a sudden I had a small mini vastness in my head.
That was great. I enjoyed it for 1 to 3 hours and did some work as well. Answered questions about non duality.
I am still of the mind that not duality in this context means direct experience of being the one in the manifestation and it’s all the manifestation. I don’t have the experience of separation of subject object boundaries.
Then around midnight I noticed I was –  the word bored comes up but I don’t think it’s appropriate. I think I just had enough so I headed downstairs. Had some granola and finished  the sponge cake and came back upstairs to sleep.
So for me experiencing the conscious awareness is not necessarily bliss and love and flowers and rainbows and unicorns it’s primarily mental very expansive wide-open unconstrained and free even within the context of a small head.
I called this conscious awareness light or the mobile version which I can take with me and fit inside my head instead of a vast vast expanse of this that takes up consumes and contains the entire universe.
of course all the other stuff is there and comes up as needed based on questions and thoughts but that’s not my primary experience. Notice the apology letters to Sean and John P. both written from this space.
I came upstairs to lay down and  by midnight my body started to relax and not go to sleep but rest in the way that would be if it was sleeping
A conscious awareness was not right ramping down or going to sleep so I just lay there and let the body relax more and more and essentially get rest. Conscious awareness didn’t really ramp down until maybe three or four maybe for a little while and maybe dropped off for a bit then went downstairs and hung out on the couch for a bit and tried to rest and sleep and maybe get another hour in.
Very good post from HumblePawn about breath and take that into the practice.
The idea of surrender is spot on.
I have to surrender to when it comes up. I have no control. I have to sign it when it will go away and I have to surrender when it won’t come up.
I’m hoping that continued practice strengthens
and disciplines the mind and also tying in with breathing will make it easier to bring that up for that to enter into arise when it does.
But it is a straight surrender  deal for sure.

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