Done for the Night

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I’d had enough for one day, so I put my computer to sleep, turned off the lights and left. I didn’t even bother to pick the quote for our next meeting. I am pretty lazy these days. Unless I have a set task laid out in front of me, I tend to just drift, do the least possible to get by and goof off a lot. I often act in the last moment and things take care of themselves. I don’t aspire to anything or desire anything or have a need to improve myself. I don’t believe in reincarnation or an after life, not to mention heaven or hell. I know that the universe is perfect, that “I” am taken care of, I don’t live in fear of my creator, to put it in gross religious terms, and I no longer need to seek for that which I am.

I also know that the universe is, all evidence to the contrary, empty. There are no separate beings with volition and choice, God doesn’t sit back and watch. In fact there is no God, in the sense most people mean. Any sense of separation is just an illusion, a belief, a getting lost in the content of awareness. I don’t really get lost in the content anymore, or not for long, and so I live with a pretty strong sense of detachment from almost everything. The only thing I like to talk about is spiritual awakening; so I make for pretty single-minded dinner conversation. And, since the nature of what I talk about is so foreign, if not downright threatening to so many, I don’t tend to go and ”hang out” with a crowd. I am pretty much a recluse.

But, this evening I wanted a nice glass of scotch and felt the urge to drop by a local bar, which was unusual for me, as I said.

I walked into the bar and took a seat on one of the bar stools. Far enough away from everyone else and the TV, but still close enough to get served promptly. I don’t go out in public much or often but this bar had a good choice of single malt scotches.
I asked for a Languvulin instead of my usual Laiphroag. Neat, with an ice water back. I dropped few drops of water in the scotch and watched the pattern they made. Random, and yet, the water and the scotch interacted with each other – one was defined by the shape of the other. Like pouring milk into coffee and watching the shape it takes against the coffee. One defining the other. Like most questions of this nature, the answer is not as important as the questions. And, the question forms or determines the shape of the answer. Again, like the form of milk in coffee.
I was just sitting there, contemplating the glass of scotch when I noticed the guy next to me looking at me.

I just let it go. It happens. My energy is odd in some ways. People notice me and don’t know why. I do, but why tell them. I glanced over up and looked him over. Dark hair and eyes that I can only describe as crisp. He didn’t smile, but he didn’t frown. Rather, his face seemed neutral, yet somewhat intent. Odd that I hadn’t noticed him when I’d sat down. He was seated right next to me and I would never choose a seat next to another person if I could avoid it. The bar had been mostly empty when I came in and I thought I had sat down with no one next to me. Like I said: odd.
After a while I heard him say “Hi.”
I said “Hi” back and went on looking into my scotch.
He kept looking at me.
Fine, whatever, I thought, I’ll play.
“Yes, can I help you?” I asked.
He said, “I know why so few of you are free.”
“Excuse me?” This was a different way to open a conversation, I thought.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. ‘Free.’ As in Free from the belief you are a person, a…” He paused, and looked upwards, like he was trying hard to recall an obscure term.
“A separate self.”

I was impressed. There are only a few people who would even understand what he was saying, I was one of them, and here he starts a conversation like this. But I wanted to make sure.
“Could you say more about that?”

“By free I mean what you mean. Awake, dying while alive, Enlightened.”
I inwardly cringed. I don’t really talk about my current state anymore, and never use the E word, so I was surprised.
“OK, why?” I asked. Might at least see where he was going with this.
“Earth is the only planet where the sentient beings cling to ego-identification and ignorance of non-dual oneness past the age of six. In all other systems we learn to overcome the ego-addiction. Only on earth does this not happen. A few of you manage to do it later, mostly by luck – happening on the right combination of skills and techniques – as you have – and this has formed the basis of your entire religious and spiritual teachings. It’s easy for us to spot those who are awake and that’s what drew me to you.”
“Earth?” I inquired. I started to sense where this was going, but I wanted to hear the words.
He just smiled and sipped his drink. It was his turn to wait.
“That means…” I continued.
“Yes” He replied.
I ordered another drink. For each of us. This looked to be a long night.