What I find interesting in going back and reading my notes from those days is that I clearly saw pure awareness, pure consciousness quite often, and was indeed in it quite often and even talked about being in it quite often.
What did not happen was closing the circle, solving the math problem, seeing the FedEx logo, even though I used that quite often in teaching – that I am that
that is what I missed by not having a teacher to guide me in self inquiry and not having a decent meditation practice to make the shift permanent.
No, I had to do it all by myself. If I even asked one person what is meant by the sense of i am and even read the Maharshi essay , I could’ve probably put two and two together and come up with one.