Nemo’s Notes Posts

11/24/22
Guided Self-Inquiry with S.

Q: Please define what you mean by "soul", and I'd be happy to answer.
Doing great, thank you. Hope you have a great thnaksgiving as well.

Quick answer: It's a concept like all others. What of it?

Q; Well the reason I ask is non dualism and the existence of a soul are both just theories, right?

A: Yes, Everything is a concept in the mind.

Q: Well I even pump the breaks on that to an extent. Physical reality clearly exists. Whether it exists in the mind or otherwise won't change that

A: Yes, physical reality appears to "clearly" exist to the mind. Beyond the mind - in Pure Awareness - is it only concepts and sensation  that arise, including the mind.  Since all you know and can "know" is in the mind, the external reality appears to be real and exist. Upon deep inspection it is seen to  be all mental thoughts. Ramana Maharshi explains this ever so clearly. Please take time to read this "Who Am I section: https://tomdas.com/2020/07/13/the-path-of-sri-ramana-parts-1-and-2/

Q: Don't you reach a point where you realize all of these lengthy responses to simple questions are just mental maturation? I earnestly and honestly ask this question. My intellect is certainly appealed to by going down that road with you but if I had this discussion about what's real and so on, at the end of the day if I cut myself it hurts

A: Yes, there is the appearance of body sensation in the mind and with that pain. The Pure Awareness is beyond and contains all that.

Q:Explain pure awareness. That sounds like my kind of thing lol

A: OK, Do you exist?

Q: I have something I wrote a out it

A: Yes or no?

Q: One sec I'll send it

Q: Yes

A: nope - I won't read it.
TY now, how do you know you exist?
bear with me.

Q: Because if I stab myself it hurts, others recognize my existence socially, I think therefore I am

A: How do you know it hurts?

Q: Signals to my brain tell me

A: I'm feeling charitable after a long night hanging out with Pure Awareness.
You are -aware- of the pain, yes?

A: signals to the brain is just more concepts.

Q: Yes, and I'm aware that I exist and so do you

A: Well, I exist for you in your mind. "I" - joe form is not really in  your mind, correct?

Q: Correct

Q: I understand everything and everyone I've ever experienced could be my own mind, or the mind of the one

A: Let's leave such concepts alone for now it's just going to trip you up and distract you from the Truth.
So, this awareness must precede everything - by definition. And is always there and active - even during deep sleep, correct? Otherwise what "wakes you up"

Q: Right, my awareness is what I experience

A: I need to go finish yoga - my thought form needs the stretching
Read through this post -specifically the comments by BVelo.
Ah now we get to it. What is that I - are you aware of the sense of I ?
https://www.reddit.com/r/nonduality/comments/z2zue5/comment/ixjravz/?context=3

Q: I just want your explanation of pure awareness. All this clarifying terms and so on, when I tell you look at that red car you see a red car and say there it is. What's pure awareness?
Just lay it out and see what happens

A: Read my responses and how it works.
I was able to focus on the I and then asked the question- who am i is aware of the "I"
Answer was "me" - so then i asked who am i and it led to the realization I am this vast vast field of Pure Awareness that is the "ground state" of all. This is true  for "all" of us.

Q: Which is baked in the separation from our body
That only defines thought.
I am more than thought

A: Pure Awareness is what we all are.  Undifferentiated, undefined, immovable, unchanging. it is what all things arise from. 
Mind arises first, then the thought "I" then the rest of the world. Read the maharshi paper - he lays it out quite well.

A: How do you know - through direct experience - that you are more than thought?

A: That pure awareness is right there with you - behind or underneath all that is going on for you - It's Right There! But, your attention is focused on the creations of the mind - thoughts and sense perception (which are thoughts) and so we "miss' the subtle truth of what we are., But it's right there,, right now , always. It cannot be otherwise.

Q: I can accept what you are saying but it doesn't bring me any dread. That I'm just a temporary manifestation of the one witnessing things happen fed by an illusory ego that allows me to think I'm in control. I'm really ok with that.
Things are simply happening and to think why is literally pointless

A: Great, sounds like you have a very clear conceptual understanding and you're not resisting it so shifting your attention and allowing the truth  to enter is much easier.

Q: Ok
Hit me
I'm not talking about why I'm causality in this case.
Like why I'm the one, asking myself about my own existence within my own mind.
To you, an extension of myself

A: I Need to practice yoga. Read the marharshi paper and the thread and try just sitting and focus attention on I - that is how I did it.

Q: In a dream which exists within my own mind and encompasses all that is?

A: Because it's your nature to do so.

A: No, the Pure Awareness is not a dream within your mind. It can said it's the other way around.

A: I'll check back later- give it a try and lets see.
Love you

11/25/22

I would ask - if you have tips, pointers - or what not to do -  or ppl I can contact for such about:
diving deeper into the  "chasm" as you called it.  Why "Chasm", btw?
 Or how to get the Vastness of PA to expand at will, that would be useful. Right now It's the basic practice - focus attention  on the I spot unceasingly and ask who am I when other thoughts arise. 
And, that may be all "one can do." while  the universe pulls back - nice metaphor. I may reach out to Gary as well.

Chasm, like a hollow or empty space. Thoughts have a congested feeling like too many people in a house. Awareness is the only free real estate. It can hold all of yourself. The chasm feels like a manifestation of it in the subtle body. Consciousness can kind of house there while still being in the world/having cognition of objects.  The Self is big, all expansive so where is it then in the world of objects. Like in one of your shares. That chasm holds that sense while going about ones day ime. It seems to always have ample space.

It can only expand at will when the realization that any individual will is appearance only. The will of universe is the only will and sense of me willing it is the wrong direction from my experience. Rather my conscious mind only recognizes which way the breeze is blowing never where it originates from. Yet also, the understanding I Am the originator. Yet the phrase must be understood from the humblest of places even though it sounds full of arrogance or worse megalomania;)

No intention to pry here but you may wish to ask about the vasana to share the work with others as you noted in one of your shares commenting you felt guilt or soemthing as though you mislead someone. One way to know if it just soemthing passing or in fact something rooted deeper in the consciousness is to see if it has patternistic qualities. Does the thought about helping others in this work come up in any frequency and if so does it seek solution that leaves one lacking. These are called vasanas. Patterns of desires and fears in the unconscious that blind awareness taking on action. I don’t mean to judge, it is for your discernment to decide if it creates suffering for you. It may have just been soemthing in passing. Merely just offering an example of how you may wish to form shares into questions.

Thank you, spot on and so very helpful. No judgement felt, please feel free to pry.
The Vasana to help is valid - in the case I wrote about I was in contraction from a cold, and I was not open to better aligned answers. It is something i do watch and discuss with my therapist - who understands and practices ND -lite spirituality. I mean what are the odds I did a therapist who understands my practice. Actually pretty good given I live in Encinitas.
But I get the idea of looking for Vasanas and seeing their roots. Franklin Merrell Wolff in Pathways through to space, says one can have enlightenment, but it does not mean much if one can’t transcend their own psychology. I am working on the “behavioral “side of the dream character.

Expanding being at the Self’s choosing makes total sense, thank you for the nudge. It fits with the only original thought I’ve had: you can’t make it happen, and you can’t prevent it from happening. works in the dream state = don’t push the river. And from the Self. The dream self can’t act on its own. Period. I think being open and willing helps. “Keeps my eyes open and be willing to act on opportunity “ = Breeze metaphor is quite good. Got it.
Chasm. Yes, that works. I see consciousness as a process where as the Self is not. Seems to me Consciousness arises in the mind which arise from Self.

So, keep up my practice, look closely, manage my mind, stay open, focus on I spot, watch where I constrict and what the roots are, watch for the roots of tendencies -both”good” and “bad”.
Speaking of which it seems to me that I don’t need to focus attention on the the thought I any longer, if I can feel the I spot and focus on that. Sound about right ?

I also have now a deep longing to merge with the Self. And “use it wisely” when it occurs.

I’ve also had a couple of very brief experiences when focusing on the I spot of the external world feeling a bit “flat” 2D-sh and plastic-y and uninteresting. I’d say I was making hits up, but I have no idea what I’d be making up. It’s very very subtle and could be wishful thinking.

From the way you describe it I would almost say that it seems like the chasm is the entry point into Self (“back door”) from the mind.
But more likely is the emergence of the mind, thought body external world from the Self.
Not to get, too caught up in useless, analogies and metaphors, but being a teacher by nature, I use analogies and aphorisms for teaching and understanding.

Q:

That is wonderful, the awareness cannot go away. It is right there the whole time. Your insight/experience is very accurate to my understanding. I will say there is more after this. There is always more. It refines and the appreciation for it deepens. Experiences are wonderful but the key is to draw insight and wisdom from them as the experience itself does fade but the knowing can grow afterwards. This is common so keep an eye out for any residual clinging to what is the experience/aha moment and what is the wisdom gleaned from it. The wisdom cannot go away the experience is fast fading. The knowing is like a mirror of being that keeps freedom always there even if the life/experience isn’t in an AHA state. Life can be very mundane or difficult but the Knowing holds the mind at bay so the sense of it being a problem never arises.

A:

Yes, it is wonderful. Interestingly, there is not the clinging to experience I had in the past when experiencing Pure Awareness. In those cases, there was not the recognition that i am That – the pure awareness, so as the memory of the experience faded, clinging arose.
This is different. No clinging to the experience of AHA – there is no desire for or need for that experience again- or it’s so minor it can easily be let go of.
Instead, there is the desire to‘return’ to awareness and sitting in the Vast Vastness of Pure Awareness. I sorely miss that. The vastness that expands from”within” to contain the universe and with it this mind-body-experience of Joe.

However, I’ve had a severe cold for the last few days since the Aha and it’s been very very hard to allow the vastness to expand to encompass the entire universe as before. When the cold passes – and it is starting to recede – god willing 😉 I would think I can allow that vastness to re-expand.
In the meantime, and going forward, I focus on the “I spot” and ask who am I when other thoughts emerge.
Has all ego dropped and mind stopped. No. But, I can see that by focusing on the I spot, and investigating what is there, that over time the ego would be less and less active and “interesting” until very little attention is paid to it.
There is already a slight, but noticeable “reduction in feeling real” of everyday experience. I don’t have to remind myself “this is all illusion arising in PA”, as I have in the past. No, the experience and insights find me instead of me finding it, if that makes sense.

As I said, when I went to “do the math” to work out ND and D after the aha – I very clearly felt the sense of reluctance to let go of ego/annihilate ego. So I sit with that as well.
If you’d be up for a chat sometime on zoom, or by phone, when this holiday is over and you are so inclined I’d look forward to it.
Thank you for all you help, your willingness to wade through so many words 🫣 – what can I say? I’m a teacher by nature and profession and am a good story teller..
and I acknowledge your service to others. 🙏🏻
I am trying to do the same and pass it on cleanly clearly and with infinite compassion.

It used to really make my blood boil when people used that phrase -” It’s All Good” seemingly so lightly.

That is a very strong pointer to a very deep truth – and it takes a lot to get to that.

Although the real wording of the pointer is “It’s all equal” – meaning the  content of perception is all equal. It’s just content, nothing better or worse. I’ve heard some use ‘same’ as in “it’s all the same” – but that doesn’t really work because clearly it’s not – that red chair here is not the “same” as that blue chair over there.

But to the awareness,  the content is all “equal” – it’s just content – not good or bad – not better or worse – no preferences – no judgements – the Awareness does not care what the content is.

And I can blow a hole the size of a whale in that “it’s all good” remark (apologies – re-reading Mckenna vol 2 and it’s whales all the way down).

So how to show someone quickly “it’s not all good”? Well, how about people dying of starvation and puppies in ovens and babies on bayonets.

Is all that “good” as well? Pretty much not.

That usually ends the conversation and people drift away from me – can’t imagine why. (JK) – I stopped doing that stuff at parties. But, not sure how I’ll show up these days as I have no idea what I’ll say next.

November 24, 2022

So, thinking I didn’t get the full  Non-Duality package = oneness, loss of separation of self, etc, that some guy posted with no attribution to source, I initially found myself thinking I’d missed something.

The Awakening was intense, clear and  unmistakable. And I could not see that there was more to do. I started to use the Clarity to work “out the math” on how ND -D works. And why I wasn’t experiencing “what I should be experiencing”.

This quickly turned into a feeling and thought form that I wasn’t ready to fully surrender and needed to actually “push the total surrender/Annihilate Ego” button.

I even dreamed up a brand new dream character – a little toddler with a melting ice cream cone as a metaphor for not being ready to let go of duality yet.

After realization of being Pure Awareness, there is reluctance to let go of Duality. No suffering or discomfort. More like – as I wrote: Once out, I’m out , no reinsertion into the matrix. So let’s stay and enjoy this for a while. I also know it’s not a ‘choice’ and will resolve itself of its own accord. But it is surprising to see that egoic clinging so clearly. Just haven’t pushed the Total Surrender button yet. Will he or won’t he? Tune in next week for….

I “expected” to feel my wife – who was sitting next to me when this happened – and I are one – but of course that is Pure BS – there is nothing like that in the Pure Awareness. Just thoughts and perceptions arsing. One of which is my darling wife and the thought I should feel oneness with her for this to be legit.

I ask because I still see two where there is only One – and there’s this toddler clinging to its melting ice cream cone. I was surprised to see that arise. Now playing with the annihilate ego button. And looking for a huge towel, as the total surrender may involve a lot of tears. Or not.

Dang! I’m now staring at a bona fide, good old fashioned ego clinging to duality – not wanting to be annihilated- though that’s clearly what’s next. I could relax and ‘easily’ let truth of One as Two flood over me, but there’s no going back – no reinsertion into the matrix – once out, I’m out. And it’s sorta like prolonging climax.

S0, I got to sit with and explore the psychological, spiritual and practical aspects of not wanting to leave Duality. And imagined the  clinging of ego – where was none.

AND, I got to experience “first hand” how the mind conjures whole realities – beings, feelings, thoughts, etc. While the toddler did not exist in the external world in any way, he existed in my mind as an object and felt real.

Are there stories of people who realized their nature as pure awareness, but did not immediately get the whole Non-duality package? from nonduality

11/23-24/2022

Thank you so much for the ‘final’ push. No longer any in here or out there, Or rather, things that were thought to be inside are outside and vice versa. And that is what I said to my wife right after it happened: “I’m done seeking” Now playing with the total surrender/annihilate ego button. Still see two where is one. And I have a toddler here that is clinging to its melting ice cream cone. But, I may wrong about the whole not two thing. Not sure yet. That might be something different unrelated to recognizing my true nature.